I'll be honest, last night at college group was hard. I cried all through worship. My heart is so broken. I ask God, why? Why on earth would you allow this to happen to my church? I'm still in shock, but the pain is beginning to set in.
But for the first time, after group was done, I was able to just talk about it with Savannah. To be able to communicate how I feel felt soo good. And honestly, to know that others see what I see just confirmed that I'm not crazy or reading into things. Sometime it just take a physical confirmation, ya know?
Today, I was blessed like crazy by my friend Martha. Once again, I was able to share everything that was in my mind and on my heart, this time it was someone on the outside--who is not involved in the situation at all. And she had insight...and it confirmed what I talked about with Savannah.
A new identity. Finding who I am in Christ.
After that, we just talked and baked all afternoon. It was so amazing. I've never had a friend like Martha. Ever. I don't know what I'd do without her. She knows exactly how to encourage me everytime... she knows exactly what I need to get my mind off of things.... We are now having a baking day once a month--just time to hang, be girls, and work on our baking skills.
I'm also praying about attending church with her and her husband.
I'm going to give myself a couple of weeks at Calvary Gresham--to work through my emotions and the pain I feel in my heart. Then I'll sorta "dip my toe in the water" and try it out.
I have a good feeling about this--a contentment....a confidence.
This is good. Painful, but good.