On top of that, I've felt the desire for something more... What? I don't know. I feel lost, like my life is a waste of time, that I'm not allowing myself to be used for God, like I really have no one to talk to....so weird.
And.....I have suddenly realized what I want in a guy...what I need in a guy. I need someone who's relationship with God is so much stronger than mine. I realize I need someone to lead me in my life--not only in the every day decisions, but spiritually. I want someone who will come visit me when I am sick--some one who will call me just outta the blue--I want to be pursued. I want him to seek after me. I want to be encouraged...I want someone who will be mature, but isn't ashamed to be silly. I want someone who isn't afraid to work at life--who is responsible. I want a man who is so in love with God that you just know something is different about him.
I just need to let go of things in the past...sins, people, and move on. I don't want to. For some reason I like the comfort of what I have held on to for so long, and it's hard for me to let go of it. I am so sorry. It just has to end.
Well, that's my life in a nutshell at this very moment. Prayer is appreciated--one can never have too much prayer.